My Days are Written

It was never so easy for me to trust God’s plan for my life.  I love to be in control, I love to make plans and I’m pretty dedicated to the ones I think are in line with what I want.  My goals are always right in front of me and I’ve spent more than three years pursuing this one in one level or another.

When I first began to study Reformed Theology, a little bit of the peace that I had never quite grasped began to fall into place.  Slowly, more and more peace and more and more trust became a part of my life.  I knew that God’s plans and purposes are bigger than mine and I was finally giving my fears and anxieties over to Him.

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of forgetting how to trust Him, or rather rejecting the peace He has so graciously and continually offered to me.  I have been impatient, ungraceful, and selfish.  These are always my natural instincts, but I have excused them with a victim mentality because I’ve been so distraught that the beautiful door God was opening for me to go to Ethiopia has been stalled.  It has been painful and somewhere along the way, I began to feel resentment.

Last weekend, as I was hoping to be boarding a plane, I instead attended the Mission Connexion conference in Portland.  It was truly amazing and I’m super grateful to my awesome, gorgeous, and always patient friend for opening the door for me to attend.  The break out sessions I attended were mostly in regards to Business as Mission in areas of poverty, as that is my passion.

Unfortunately I have truly seen a divide between BaM being done well and being done very poorly.  So I have studied non-stop from branding to products to models of development, and I’ve pretty much come to my conclusions about how I am going into this to ensure that I do the least amount of damage possible and encourage amazing people with great potential to be the impact in their communities, knowing full well that I can’t be the one to do it in a culture that is brand new to me.

Basically, that’s much of what we were told by these men who’ve had 30-40 years doing this very thing.  So it was pretty much confirmation for this very insecure girl that she has her head on right.

Additionally, at the conference they kept saying stuff like, “If God is calling you, say yes!” And I’m sitting there like…I did.

It’s hard wondering why I’m so delayed in this move when I feel that I’ve grasped an understanding of this once murky BaM thing and I’ve also been all too excited about my YES and getting on a plane to GO.

And yet, I know full well that God has me sitting in my swanky bedroom in Washington for a reason.  I have no idea what that reason is, but I know it’s there.

So now that I’ve rambled all of that, I’m just going to throw out some helpful verses that I’ve memorized or want to memorize that could be useful for anyone else feeling frustrated or stuck right now, because Heaven knows my words are dust, but His Word stands forever.

“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.  And be thankful.” -Colossians 3:15

“In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will.” -Ephesians 1:11 (I really really really really really love this one)

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers.” -Romans 8:28-29

“All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”   -Psalm 139:16